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okay so I'll tell you what happened today..
So basically BGF and I were quite close today..as in all we did was hang out and talk and really it seemed like all he wanted was my company. He could deny it all he liked, it definitely seemed this way. anyway, despite this, because he's so damn likable, every time we had a chance to hang out as just the two of us, everyone else would always come and sit with us. We legit, never had a chance to ourselves, Maybe 20 minutes at most if we were lucky. So any way I could ignore that, get over it..whatever, the usual. But what really cheesed me off was the end of the day. Just as the bell for last period went, BGF asked me to stay because he wanted to talk to me. There were two other people in the art room, one of them a close friend of mine I might add. So when I said yeah whats up he turned around and said in a humorous manner "Oh yeah, I just wanna confess my undying lover for you." so naturally at this point my heart did a little skip. Obviously I composed myself within a millisecond of recognizing his humor and went along with it saying "well what can I say? I have that effect on people" But then he still did want me to stay back, he was being dead serious about that. But what happened next is really what infuriates me the most. My close friend then turned around and said.."Hey Mazz? Don't you have a bus to catch?" WTF!!! She knows about how I feel about BGF yet she turned around and practically ruined any moment of possibility of him telling me any hidden feelings for me!!!! I am so damn angry right now. I mean like, tbh, I'm pretty sure this was the case because if I know my BGF and trust me, I know him pretty damn well, it's that he covers up any awkwardness or seriousness with humor. Him saying that in a joking manner could have easily been him trying to tell me that that's what he seriously wants to talk to me about. And then my stupid ass close friend had to ruin it. He then after she said that turned around and said "Oh I was only joking, I just wanted someone to talk to." I am so angry now.
So basically BGF and I were quite close today..as in all we did was hang out and talk and really it seemed like all he wanted was my company. He could deny it all he liked, it definitely seemed this way. anyway, despite this, because he's so damn likable, every time we had a chance to hang out as just the two of us, everyone else would always come and sit with us. We legit, never had a chance to ourselves, Maybe 20 minutes at most if we were lucky. So any way I could ignore that, get over it..whatever, the usual. But what really cheesed me off was the end of the day. Just as the bell for last period went, BGF asked me to stay because he wanted to talk to me. There were two other people in the art room, one of them a close friend of mine I might add. So when I said yeah whats up he turned around and said in a humorous manner "Oh yeah, I just wanna confess my undying lover for you." so naturally at this point my heart did a little skip. Obviously I composed myself within a millisecond of recognizing his humor and went along with it saying "well what can I say? I have that effect on people" But then he still did want me to stay back, he was being dead serious about that. But what happened next is really what infuriates me the most. My close friend then turned around and said.."Hey Mazz? Don't you have a bus to catch?" WTF!!! She knows about how I feel about BGF yet she turned around and practically ruined any moment of possibility of him telling me any hidden feelings for me!!!! I am so damn angry right now. I mean like, tbh, I'm pretty sure this was the case because if I know my BGF and trust me, I know him pretty damn well, it's that he covers up any awkwardness or seriousness with humor. Him saying that in a joking manner could have easily been him trying to tell me that that's what he seriously wants to talk to me about. And then my stupid ass close friend had to ruin it. He then after she said that turned around and said "Oh I was only joking, I just wanted someone to talk to." I am so angry now.
UPAADTES.. I get to look back on and cringe
apparently I like to write journal entries online that literally any body can look at even though they're more for me to look back on and cringe at. I don't really know what to say? I was reading through some of my old entries and I'm amazed at that Mariah...but I really like this one so I'm going to talk about her. I'm engaged to G, same guy I've been dating since the end of 2017. We have a beautiful 7 month old together and have moved into a very average house, but its our first so I'm greatful to have a roof over our heads. I spent so long trying to figure out my career path, putting all this unnecessary pressure on myself. I really didn't need to. I still have goals and aspirations, but now I can expect that maybe I'm getting it wrong and things will come my way when they're meant to. like my son. these days I spend my time being a mother and when I my time grants it, working on my mural business. If it doesn't pan out, I'm okay to go back to work barista, maybe even open
How you Dooinnnngg??
Here's to another update because I just don't use deviant art that much anymore. I'm pretty sure only one person actually reads these but I enjoy doing them so I'm gonna keep doing them.
So I think the last time I posted one of these was over a year ago? Well then, there's a lot I have to say.
So where should I start? Uni? My Job? My Boyfriend? My Family? I might do this in a question and short (extended) answer form to make this easier to read.
Hows uni life going?
It isn't. I deferred and just never went back.
How's that job of yours going?
Did I ever mention that I work at a cafe as a barista All-Rounder? Well now I'm sort of a supe
Rambles
This is gonna be a bit of a ramble since I haven't given many updates on how I'm going or where I'm at in life currently so here goes..
I deferred my uni halfway through last trimester meaning (for those who don't understand) I took a break from uni to resume the following trimester. After I moved so far away from my current campus I found it difficult to keep up with my classes and studies, alongside working both morning shifts and overnights. I also had a lot going on with my personal life that I found added to my stresses so the decision to defer my course became and easy one to make. During this time I found a new job at a cafe near my h
Career Revelation
I've had a revelation. Its taken a bit of thinking and reasoning in my mind but it all makes to me sense now. for a while now I've been discontent in uni. I mean I enjoy learning and I love taking in new information but I felt like I was wasting my time, like there was no point being there. At least in year 12 I had a goal, an outcome. I was doing it to get into uni. But once I got to uni I thought to myself, what was the point of doing all these essays, oral presentations and excessive travel if I wasn't getting what I really wanted out of it? I figured yeah maybe I'd become a teacher. I mean I enjoy working with people and its one of the mo
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You are Amazing k
I totally believe in you and I know you'll get another chance or find a good way to make one!
I totally believe in you and I know you'll get another chance or find a good way to make one!