theloverofTMI

Here's to another update because I just don't use deviant art that much anymore. I'm pretty sure only one person actually reads these but I enjoy doing them so I'm gonna keep doing them.

So I think the last time I posted one of these was over a year ago? Well then, there's a lot I have to say.

So where should I start? Uni? My Job? My Boyfriend? My Family? I might do this in a question and short (extended) answer form to make this easier to read.

Hows uni life going?
It isn't. I deferred and just never went back.

How's that job of yours going?
Did I ever mention that I work at a cafe as a barista All-Rounder? Well now I'm sort of a supervisor. This is cool I guess but it can get a little stressful at times and doing coffee all day everyday has left me with callused fingers so I mean its got its flaws and down sides but so does every job. Ultimately though I get paid a decent wage. I have good friends. It's got a good vibe and great ambience. Customers love me and I love being a barista.

How? Who? What? is your boyfriend?
HA HA. HA HA. HA...HA
WELL. WELL THEN.
This is a funny story actually. Remember that crush I had in highschool? That BGF that I dedicated a number of journal entries toward between the years 2014-2015. Well I'm currently seriously dating the guy I broke up with for BGF. I think I wrote one journal about him back in 2014. So yeah! we're back together again! we reconnected last October and we've been going strong ever since.  

And your family? what's that like?
I don't wanna talk about it.
but I'll touch on it briefly. There's low key a misogynistic hierarchy in my family that somewhere along the line decided that woman should do 'womanly duties'and still work at the same time. in contrast men should not clean up in any way shape or form and be a 'provider' meaning they get to come home after work, relax and do nothing. I may be a little bitter over this.
On the other hand we're getting a house! I'm going on part ownership with my dad!  

Plans for the future?
With the amount of time I've taken off uni its given me a new perspective of what I want out of life. I realised that the only reason I wanted to go to uni to begin with was an unrealistic goal my 18 year old self had. For me, it was to prove to myself that I could do it. It was a noble goal but not one that I could get anything out of life with. Whats the point of spending years going to uni, sacrificing a future mortgage, financial stability and a life I can build for myself and my future family when there's an easier and shorter pathway to take? To do what I wanted to do through uni, I wouldn't be able to have any of those things until at least my mid 30's. Art therapy is still on the table. That, nursing or general therapy work. All of which I can do through TAFE within half the time I would had I chosen university as my pathway. 
There's a small part of me, there may always be a small part of me, that's disappointed I couldn't make uni work, but its not for me. It was a nice dream to have, and I wish I could go back to having that same dream, but there's a level of naivety there that exists only in my younger self. 

This is gonna be a bit of a ramble since I haven't given many updates on how I'm going or where I'm at in life currently so here goes..

I deferred my uni halfway through last trimester meaning (for those who don't understand) I took a break from uni to resume the following trimester. After I moved so far away from my current campus I found it difficult to keep up with my classes and studies, alongside working both morning shifts and overnights. I also had a lot going on with my personal life that I found added to my stresses so the decision to defer my course became and easy one to make. During this time I found a new job at a cafe near my house and began working day shifts only for a change much to my delight 😋 I've been there for about 5 or 6 months now and honestly though daily life can be a bit repetitive at times over all my happy. Though I'm still not drawing as much as I'd like to be, I've taken up yoga and knitting as a way to relieve any anxiety that I do have.

On another note uni goes back next week so as "excited" as I may be about that I still have to take just one class this trimester at Deakin Burwood campus to make up one more credit point in order for me to transfer over to a closer uni.  Sucks I know but that means I only really have to be doing one class to start the year off. So we'll see how all that goes.

Promise to keep you updated 😌

I've had a revelation. Its taken a bit of thinking and reasoning in my mind but it all makes to me sense now. for a while now I've been discontent in uni. I mean I enjoy learning and I love taking in new information but I felt like I was wasting my time, like there was no point being there. At least in year 12 I had a goal, an outcome. I was doing it to get into uni. But once I got to uni I thought to myself, what was the point of doing all these essays, oral presentations and excessive travel if I wasn't getting what I really wanted out of it? I figured yeah maybe I'd become a teacher. I mean I enjoy working with people and its one of the most convenient and realistic jobs you can get out of a visual arts course. but I had no idea how to gain the teaching qualifications I would need and even if I did figure it out I've never really liked the idea of being a teacher anyway (since I've never really done much homework in my time ) and I really didn't want to spend money on something I wasn't sure about. 

I've since spoken to a friend and she's opened me up to the idea of art therapy. She even told me the steps I'd need to undertake in order to gain the qualifications for this career path. The more I think about it the more art therapy makes sense to me. So I really like working closely with people. The act of building connections with other human beings seems to be a career that's always felt right for me. That's why I was thinking teaching for a while there but that's just not me nor has it ever been. I was thinking about how I used to volunteer at Baxter Village aged care in year 9 and how I used to really really love it, especially the dementia section. I don't know why but I just did you know? More than working with the other elderly anyway. and then I was starting to think how much I really love psycho analytical art and surrealism and psychology within art and art made from Synesthesia and all of that and just really how I've always felt most comfortable doing abstract art and all my best work has been created after having tapped into my emotions. Bearing all that in mind I have come to understand that art therapy is more than perfect for me. I feel it in my heart like its calling for me. I now know that this is the path I need to take. Its not glamorous or anything but it's special and its me. 

Wow so life huh? yeah a lots happened. a lots changed. Some very very good, some I'm still not sure about. So basically we all know that at the start of the year I started at Deakin Uni, that's been a major change in my life of course but an anticipated one. things were sort of in a nice groove though I must say. When I lived in the city it was only a 5 min walk to my work and a half an hour tram ride to my uni. So although things were a tiny bit boring, there was nothing drastic or major in my life going on, although it all kind of left me feeling a bit too content, things were still smooth. 

Now let me tell you whats happened in the last month. WE MOVED. about 40 mins out of the city. Again that's not so bad. but you have to consider this, the area that we're living in has a bus that runs by the hour to the station. So therefore if I miss a bus or if its weekend time table I could be waiting a whole other hour to get to the station and back. This makes it incredibly difficult to get to work in the morning, as it is I've had to change my availability at work so that I had to start an hour later (I still have to get up even earlier then when I lived in the city though) Getting to uni's become a bit difficult as well too. Instead of half an hour it takes me an hour and a half to get to uni. ON TOP OF THIS..my lap tops stopped working so I've had to put a new one of layby, with money I do not have I might add. Between all of these changes, I met someone as well, about a week before the big move in fact. I'm gonna call him B for privacy's sake. Its kind of crazy how much we click. We like similar things, same morals, same sense of humor, its easy to be around him, no awkward moments, and there's physical chemistry there as well.  We can have so much fun yet be completely serious when we need to be.  I never thought I'd meet someone like him. He's all shades of grey yet he has this center that's bursting with colour and insane potential for greatness. I just aaaah there's something so special about him you know? and there's something incredibly special between us too. I'm fucking lucky actually. Of course though there is a slight...hmmm hiccup? Things would have been easy if I had met him well before we moved or hey lets dream big..IF WE HADN'T MOVED AT ALL. but that's just how things are. he lives a good 2 hours away from me, plus we both work, plus we both have school. We're both determined to make things work and things actually are going really really well between us, but there's that fucking distance shit like aaaah. It just makes things so much harder. especially with the distance I already have to travel and my only form of transportation at this point in time is public transport....

But maybe moving was good? maybe the change was a good thing. I'm starting to get motivated by it all you know? Its exciting. When I was living in the city, I felt like I was stuck with the way things are, but damn it I'm gonna be a goddamn gypsy and and change my life whenever I want. Okay so I just moved? Well lets go the whole shebang and change uni and work as well. Make myself happy. I still wanna be going to the city of course but I really rather not be going to the city every day of the week, that's just wasting my time and money. So my plan is to reapply to RMIT so that I'm only going to the city a couple times a week. This will in turn still give me a chance to see B during the week after uni. The next part to my plan to to wait until I reach the two year mark at my work at get promoted to crew trainer. That'll be at the end of the year so I've still got a bit of time but once that happens I'm going to enroll into a hospitality course involving RSA (responsible service of alcohol) licence, a gambling licence and a certificate in baristing. I already have customer service and cafe experience from my current job so it means I should be able to land a job near where I live pretty easily. While I'm working towards these outcomes I'll also be working towards getting a my licence. With these crazy goals in mind things by next year should be a whole lot different for me  

You know how it is.. Go big or go home